I hope to be able to say the truth on day,
I hope I will be soon on my way,
Towards my goal,
To you,
I wish I could get closer,
But fear is my holder,
I cannot get closer,
To you,
----------------------------
I know this is short and really bad, but at least I tried!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
As poetry, it is nothing special. It lacks the imagery, or the depth that a great poem contains. I see life for this, but more as a song then a poem. I don't believe it would be hard to add a few more stanzas and put it to music.
Usually I see poems with too much going on, too much flourish. This poem is the opposite, it is too basic, too simple. MTS, you need to go more into depth about "the truth" and "my fear", and the whole situation in general.
This poem just doesn't stand out.
Hey I like this even if this is short. Keep writing!
This needs a bit of editing.
Should have a full stop not a comma.The second line should be, "be able to say the truth on day", cut out the 'I hope'.
Without the rhyming would sound better.
Change some of the sentences around like this,
"I hope I will be soon on my way
be able to say the truth on day"
Definately needs some editing but besides that it sounds good!
~Loz
That's not bad!
It lacks imagery and emotion though--besides the fact that this person wants to get to someone but cannot because of their fear, I can't discern anymore of what they think.
Poetry attempts to make the reader feel something, whether it is sorrow, hope, joy, etc. So my advice is to keep fiddling with this--add a few stanzas, some description, you know.
Keep writing,
.:AYRA:.
I get the message and in general it's good.
But, it is too short. And, in dealing with short poetry (and being successful), you will be up against such poets as Emily Dickinson (tough act to follow).
If you broaden this poem and embellish the title. I think you could have a winner!
Good Job!
Hey! This is REALLY good. I just wanted to say!
I hope to be able to say the truth on day
On should be one.
Other than that, this is really good, like I said.
I hope you continue to post! I really want to read your stuff! Good job! I'll be looking for more of your work!
PM me anytime you want!
BBB